From Where Lies Hope
by MairzyDotes2018
Summary: A meaningful conversation between Matt and C.J. not long after "Mustang Madness"
She woke up suddenly fighting for her breath. As he often did, he had invaded her dreams., haunting her months after his death. She had caused his death, by pushing off the balcony outside his suite and his body had tumbled onto an unforgiving field of hardened rock, which dominated the shore of this obscure Caribbean island.

He had died instantly as he had hit that very first partially submerged boulder on that beach. Multiple broken bones including skull fractures, shattered vertebrae. A compound fracture of both femurs, the list included all of his fatal and nonfatal injuries in the routine autopsy report.

Andre Duval was dead at last. His broken body had been cremated and he had been buried in a grave by his half-sister Elena.

But he still haunted CJ in her dreams.

He had been chasing after her, approaching closer to her with every step. Just as he'd grabbed her, she had broken free of her dream world and…

The next thing she knew, she woke up wrapped up in the arms, very familiar arms of the man lying next to her in bed. His soft words accented by the timbre of having been interrupted in deep sleep soothed her.

"Hey it's okay…I'm right here. I will always be here to keep you safe."

The words took a couple seconds to register. Her body had gone into full flight or fight as soon as she awoke. She'd tensed in his embrace at first then slowly relaxed. Her eyes fluttered as she still fought for breath.

"C.J. look at me, look straight at me okay? He can't hurt you anymore. Not ever again."

Her breathing slowed, her heart rate as she honed on his words. Her muscles relaxed in his firm embrace. She finally looked into his brown eyes, etched with concern just barely discernable in the darkness.

"Houston…I…I'm sorry…"

He reached out to brush her bangs damped by sweat off her face. His eyes always focused on her own, to keep her from looking away and going into some very dark places.

"No need to say anything C.J. okay? Don't apologize to me not ever. I just want you to be honest with me and let me help you through this…"

She swallowed, her throat feeling dry. The fear had left her but not entirely. She knew Andre was dead. She had been the one who had killed him on the island. But still…he remained with her. He had haunted her for months afterward. He had lurked in her dreams when she'd been staying on Thea's ranch to help Jed and the other ranch hands prevent developers from seizing land parcels that belonged to the flock of local mustangs.

It had been harrowing but they had prevailed and during that battle, she and Matt had connected in ways she'd never imagined or even hoped for in her wildest dreams. When they had made love at long last in a cabin, she had felt she'd finally come home.

Still…she had her demons, not the least of which was the man who still haunted her from the grave.

He looked at her with such concern as he stroked her face to comfort her.

"I know…. I just…it's just he's in my dreams. He's been in my dreams for so long…"

She knew that was the truth. Andre had targeted her since the moment he'd laid eyes on her when she was at Harvard School of Law. She hadn't wanted to allow herself to think that's what he had done but her subconscious wasn't obedient.

It had been reluctant to allow her a moment's piece. But Matt just tilted her face to meet his own.

"I know…and I wish I could fight him in your dreams for you. I just want you to know that I'm here for you and I always will be there…"

Her breath softened as his words reassured her as they always had done. She stroked the hard lines of his own face, which she knew as well as her own. She met his gaze, as reluctant to let go of their connection as him.

"Houston, I know that…you've been there for me in ways I can't even begin to thank you for…I'm really trying here but sometimes…"

She struggled to finish. He cupped her face with one of his hands.

"I know that…. but I also know that I love you so damn much. I always have but I was too much a fool to admit it. I'm not that fool anymore C.J. I know what I want and it's you…now and forever….

She relaxed when she heard his words.

"I want that too Houston and I love you more than you can know…. but these dreams, these flashbacks I can't turn them off as much as I so want to do. They're here, they're part of me until I can find a way to let them go."

He heard her as he always did. She knew she could absolutely tell him anything and everything.

"C.J. you will find a way to let them go…you just need time. I just want to let you know I'm always going to be here."

And he had been since their return to Houston her save haven after the excitement at the ranch in Colorado

They'd had quiet time and she had so needed it. She'd gone back to her work as a consultant to help other women who lived a nightmare she knew all too well while continuing her sessions with Diana Matt had settled into partnering in Dan's security company after handing off his PI business in LA to Brody and other investigators.

Both of them had left LA and never looked back. At the end of the day they always had each other to come home to and those precious hours carved out to spend together…meant everything to her.

She nodded at his reassurances, she centered herself looking into his eyes, even as she felt his warm embrace.

"I know Houston…I just want so much…I want a life with you without fear and without looking back. I want…"

The word she had been so afraid to say. Andre had whispered promises even as he had conquered her body of all he could take away…

"What C.J.?"

She took a deep breath.

"I want a life with you and I want children…our children…"

She had escaped before Andre could kill that dream inside of her forever. The image of a young girl with a heart shaped face and messy dark curls filled her mind as it always did when she felt lost. That little girl had been in the edge of her dreams since she'd been on the edge of adulthood wanting to focus on her dreams, with a hunger that drove her forward to conquer the world.

His face softened and he stroked her face, tracing all those familiar lines. Her defenses melting…

"We'll have all of that. You just have to have some faith that it'll all work out. Yeah we have a tough road ahead of us but we're going to make it…we're going to build a life for us and yeah we're going to have a bundle of kids."

She smiled in the darkness wanting to believe him. If not for the demons that haunted her. She tried to resist them at every time but felt they'd never let her go.

"I want to believe that so much…it's just that I'm so damned scared Houston and I don't want that to define me…I want to live my life…."

Her arms tensed and damn if Matt didn't smooth his hands over them to help her.

"You will C.J. We will. Okay? You gotta trust me on this. You are absolutely safe with me and I will never let anyone ever hurt you again."

She blinked her eyes and nodded at him. He really had been her rock in so many different ways she didn't feel she could tell him. She wanted so much to believe them but these flashes that assaulted her. Flashes of Andre taking from her which she didn't want to give. Her closing herself off when he assaulted her body. He'd slam her against a wall when he wanted and she had to disconnect from that to keep some small piece of herself alive.

She nodded but her voice was shaky. Damn Andre, the man who'd haunted her for so long was so difficult to erase. She'd spent hours with Diane trying, step by step to do that She'd embraced martial arts training daily to ensure she would be able to protect herself the next time someone…. she closed her eyes briefly, remembering the over whelming odor of chloroform that had smothered her and no never again would anyone ambush her that way.

Matt knew that she still in some ways remained frozen in place. Not sure whether to flight or flee. He grabbed her chin with one firm hand and directed her face, her line of vision back to his eyes.

"C.J. I'm never going to let anything happen to you ever again. Whatever it takes, no one is ever going to hurt you again."

She sighed at the resolve in his voice and the promise in his words but there was no guarantee that she was ever going to be completely save. After all, when Andre had her kidnapped and had violated her body and her soul that first time, Matt had been half way across the world unaware….

He read her mind just then.

"C.J. I never stopped thinking about you when I was dealing with my own demons….," he paused and then his voice thickened and she understood what he meant.

She blinked her eyes in the darkness.

"Houston…I never…"

He sighed.

"C.J. I was lost out there…trying to find a part of myself I thought I'd lost forever and…when that stingray nearly killed me, all I ever thought about was that I'd never see you again…I'd never be able to tell you what I felt…what I wanted to share and that beautiful innocent little girl with those dark curls…. I saw her too."

C.J.'s eyes widened.

"I've always seen her whenever my life has been in danger. It's like she's a warning, a harbinger of why I need to survive. I never…never knew that she appeared to you too."

Matt stroked her hair back deliberately.

"She's been in my dreams too…That time when I was shot and nearly died…or rather I did die on the operating table…that little girl appeared in front of me…. Stubbornly so not wanting me to give up…"

C.J. digested that.

"When I got the phone call that you'd died on the table, I thought I might die too. I did for a little while and then…."

She didn't need to finish. She'd gotten the call that Matt had rebounded and had survived his surgery after all.

"I was so happy…in a way that wasn't just about our friendship…."

She rested her head on his chest and he stroked her back, soothingly. There had been countless nights when he had done that for her.

The only safety she'd felt had been in his arms.

"I know C.J. I think I knew back then but I could never admit it. Like I said, I was a damn fool. I had to travel a lot of miles to get some clarity."

"Me too…I want to go out tomorrow and see this parcel that you're looking at…. It looks great."

Matt had told her he'd found the perfect spread of acreage just outside of Houston that would make a great working ranch. Horses, cattle, other critters, whatever they wanted. It had a very nice looking main house of 3,000 sq. feet that needed some work not to mention several guest cabins. Bo and Lamar their old friends wanted in on doing the day to day ranching while perfecting their brand of chili.

He nodded.

"That'd be perfect and it's got plenty of room for children. "

She smiled at that. She really wanted to meet that little girl with the dark curls and the eyes of the man across from her that had haunted her dreams since way back then.

Still she had trouble daring to thinking that her dreams were true, not to mention she had a criminal trial or two in her future. Some players like Sheriff Butz had plead out on lesser crimes but others like Matt's ex-friend Scott had refused to take a deal.

And of course Andre Duval was deceased, buried in a grave somewhere. His half-sister Elena had seen to that and C.J. had respected her for that. Just like had been the case with Antonio.

The other half brother who had worked for Andre but had done right in the end. She knew that Antonio had been trying to redeem himself for her…and for Elena.

She curled up closer to Matt.

"Yeah it sounds wonderful from what you have told me. Let's go see it tomorrow."

His hand reached out for hers and their fingers intertwined. She felt the warm breath against her neck.

"Yeah lets….and I know of the perfect contractor who can handle the renovations and…."

She closed her eyes and listened to him. His words soothed her, as the heart that had thudded inside her chest calmed down. The image of the man who haunted her dreams faded away.

Her eyes fluttered with sleepiness…

"Yeah lets…."

She closed her eyes imagining the future he'd painted for them both filled with hope and optimism and deep inside her she knew this little girl with dark curls and a heart shaped face would approve…


End file.
